Everyone loves a good joke, and so many of the good ones, for some reason, involve police. Funny Pictures . The man answered, "Sure," and opened the garage. I know it’s long, but it’s worth reading:o) Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the “in-flight safety lecture” a bit more entertaining. The husband bursts out, "Shut your mouth, woman!" A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) I've got to give up drinking! Look for a box or option labeled “Home Page (Internet Explorer, Firefox, Safari)” or “On Startup (Chrome)”. There was a man driving when he spotted a policeman. Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Are your seat belts filthy? Prank-O makes practical joke gift boxes for screamingly funny, hilariously awful, but scarily plausible products that don’t really exist. Copyright © 2021 Road police at the scene of the accident explain in a TV interview about the importance of carrying the seat belt: 0. Welcome to this big page filled with funny car jokes! Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. I didn't know about a broken tail light! A: A rucksack. Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman. Email This BlogThis! All rights reserved. New to YT? ", The cop said, "Look, buddy, I don't care who you know, I'm still giving you a ticket. "What are those for?" 06) they keep trying to carjack dale, jr. 05) police cars on track interfere with race. A man was stopped by the police around 2 AM. The E.U. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Joke has 85.11 % from 401 votes. It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Police1 is revolutionizing the way the law enforcement community Funny police and cop jokes about funny situation when you meet police officer. Especially dirty jokes have an ability to tickle the funny bone. Great Car Jokes and Funny Driving: Automotive Humor at Its Best. Today; 7 Days; 30 Days; 45 Times People Caught the World with Its Pants Down 19,178. Dirty Seat Belts are easy to clean, once they are clean they will roll back in the retractor like greased lighting. I'm going to have to give you a ticket. Older Woman: I stole this car. Okay, I won't tell you then okay, but I do have a serious question for you. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? Funny, Blonde, Pepito, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes « previous joke: Forest goes to Heaven. "I'm the groom. Funny, Blonde, Pepito, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes. seat belt joke. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) That said, police are fodder for countless jokes because the awkwardness, confusion, and tension of a police encounter can lead to some very funny slips of the tongue. Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Today is Friday. Officer: Why not? Men will be coming into some money! They’re just people, putting their lives on the line in a dirty business day after day. It’s so hot, I started putting ice-cubes in my waterbed. I said, "Yes." 769. The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! She asked me, "Single click or double click?" The rookie trooper pulled in behind him and said, "Hey, sarge, why did you stop? the troopers inquired. ", To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf! Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth bitch!" 07) the pit crew can’t work on the car while holding up pants at the same time. Open and Shut in Word Play Jokes. These furry creatures are cute, cuddly and fun, and they’re also a great source of unBEARably funny puns! A little 80 year old lady had always wanted to join a local bikers club. )Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. To which the queen replied "Wear a seat belt and don't piss me off! It’s so hot, I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron. best. Another car passed by. Officer: Stole it? ", The man replied, "That would be my wife. What does a 75 year-old woman have between her breast that a 25 year old woman doesn't her navel? Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed. Q: What do you call a Skoda with a seat belt? Funny Pictures . What is it a seat belt? Wife: Oh Harry. It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off. Enter “https://www.police1.com/” and click OK. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. Man: Broken tail light? Cop: I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Johnson?" What will happen if Meghan Markle ever becomes Queen? The Juggler. When the cop checked the man's driver's license, he said, "You're wearing glasses on your ID and you're not now. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. We have searched all over the place for the most hilarious koala puns and jokes out there, so buckle your seat belt – we think you’re going to enjoy them beary much! Wearing a seat belt is not just only the law, but can also save your life. Thinking how important automobiles are to the Western way of life, the amount of funny jokes and good driving jokes to be found is relatively small - there are not all that many; and they're not all that funny. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! You're going to jail! That's an automatic $75 fine." ", The old gentleman paused. Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) Search This Blog. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) "I use those in my act.". (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She asked, "Do I… Shop with Amazon! 0 – Look at this man who did not wear the belt: his head torn, his intestines on the windshield, his eyes in the tree, and he lost his hands. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Cop: Ma’am, does your husband always talk to you this way? report. Man: No sir, I was going 65. [Man gives his wife a dirty look.] ", A traffic officer stops a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one. It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze. It’s so hot we had to ship the fish to Seattle just so they wouldn’t forget how to swim. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Wife: No, only when he's drunk. ", Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, its got your picture on it!". Everyone loves a good joke, and so many of the good ones involve police. Haha! It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off. Doing General Cleaning Pull out the seat belt. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there. One sunny day, Father Ted is driving his car down a small country road, when he suddenly spots a nun waiting at a bus stop. share. )Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Inside the garage was the state trooper's car. and manufacturers. asked the troopers. Always one to lend a helping hand, he pulls over and offers her a lift. Loading... Share this: Facebook Twitter Google+. Not really interested in koalas and want to read rather about bigger animals? The guy says OK, and drives away. 35 comments. It’s so hot, I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron. hide. The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." The man answered that it was in the garage. Try our favorite llama puns. The officer comes up to his car and says, "I have been waiting for you all day. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night. I thought you were bringing her back.". It's the most comprehensive and trusted online destination for law enforcement agencies and police departments worldwide. Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. Wife: Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks. Wife: Oh Harry. please share a joke? Sort by. Safety Council has completed extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt. )Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. The Laugh Club . You never wear your seat belt when you"re driving." The Dirty Con Job of Mike Rowe 26 Internet Roasts That Didn't Hold Back Top 5. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. "Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper. "Are you Mr. Answer: A seat belt. It gets longer when you jerk it, it fits in between your boobs and it slides into the seat belt. You were going 80. 0 . Uniform Stories features a variety of contributors. Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt! Your back goes out more than you do. Q: What did the Ford say to the Skoda? Your knees buckle and your belt won't. Select the option or tab named “Internet Options (Internet Explorer)”, “Options (Firefox)”, “Preferences (Safari)” or “Settings (Chrome)”. they asked. A: Fill the tank with petrol. Close. ", The guy said, "Officer, I have contacts. Funny Riddle #411 (medium) Save; Comments / Answers (5) 4k views 412 ratings 12 saves. Video: Deputy narrowly avoids point-blank gunfire, Video: Suspect bursts through door, shoots NYPD cops, City Council advances proposal to replace Minneapolis PD, 5 Okla. cops face manslaughter charges in fatal OIS, Individual Access - Free COVID-19 Courses, Open the tools menu in your browser. 08) engines drown out the rap music. Open and Shut in Word Play Jokes. I didn't know about a broken tail light! (Man gives his wife a dirty look. 17 Dirty Jokes That Are So Filthy You'll Need A Shower. Grab the steering wheel while I get my seatbelt on!” The policeman approaches the car. The man gives his young wife another dirty look. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Do Not Sell My Personal Information, If you need further help setting your homepage, check your browser’s Help menu. Cop: I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. 2 years ago. It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, and was pulled over on the way home by a state trooper. Just as the trooper was about to slap on the cuffs, an accident in the opposite lane took his attention, and he ran in that direction to help. I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Standing in his doorway were two state troopers. Where is the proof that seat belts love to be pulled? As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! Man: Shut your mouth, woman! The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like? Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Thursday, 6 August 2015. It’s so hot, I started putting ice-cubes in my waterbed. Oh so true. He turned to his wife and said, “Quick! Older Woman: Is there a problem sir? 0. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! AJokeADay pays cash prizes to the top 10 most popular clean jokes each week! Lexipol. Q: How do you double the value of a Skoda Yeti? 03) there are no sponsors for cadillac. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. Wife: No, only when he's drunk. Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. As the officer was … Get it out the gutter! ", As she finishes speaking the cop pauses for a moment and then puts his ticket book and pen away. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Prince Harry gave her a royal pounding. He suddenly slips and falls. Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON"T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??" What happened after Meghan Markle spent some dollars on her honeymoon? I didn’t know about a broken tail light! You were going 80. No comments: Post a comment. level 1. Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt. A: A lie. An officer sees a man exit a bar at closing time and get into his car. We present... 15 Classic Jokes Involving Police Traffic Stops. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. The cop immediately pulls out and turns on his siren. A: Would you like a tow home? Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt. Get it out the gutter! The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Older Woman: Is there a problem, officer? Tweet. by Kayla Yandoli. I didn't know about a broken tail light! Prank your loved ones! ... "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn"t have your seat belt on. Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car. Bottom: Last Post: You need to be logged in to post a reply. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. Copyright © 2021 Police1. He pulls the guy over and demands:"I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday? Man: Broken tail light? Lexipol. That lady isn't wearing a seat belt! Man: Broken tail light? "Where is your car now?" He pulls the guy over and says: "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! 56% of male fatalities were unrestrained while 43% of female fatalities were unrestrained. No Age Limit To Being Wild. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back. Answer: A seat belt. You have a dirty mind! she asked suspiciously. "Well, show me then," the officer demanded. "Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?". Look at the test they're giving now. Officer: I'm also going to give you a caution for not wearing your seat belt. the man began, "I can explain. ", A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. ", "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed. A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. Man: No sir, I was going 65. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this.". New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. ", This guy was pulled over for running a stop sign. He was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door. 5 Year Old & Seat Belt. Looking back on it now, I’m sure that he would have done things differently if he could do them all over! "What are you going to do with the prize money?" Joke New Seatbelt Design ..... Posted by Unknown at 07:10. Officer: Can I see your license please? Copyright © 2021 We have searched all over the place for the most hilarious koala puns and jokes out there, so buckle your seat belt – we think you’re going to enjoy them beary much! Wife: No, only when he's drunk. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) (Man gives his wife a dirty look. The man pulls over and waits for the officer to give him a ticket. ", The officer then asked, "Really? Enjoy cop humor. I'm visiting my daughter in Columbia. " The guy replies: "I did...today I'm taking them to the beach!". Man: Shut your mouth, woman! The woman steps out of her vehicle. All rights reserved. 04) no passenger seat for the ho. A man buys this real fast sports car and he's is flying down the road at about 80 mph. "Stuart," the pretty woman says, "you know you never wear your seat belt!" Who's giving that lecture at this time of night? If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you"re not wearing your seat belt, sir. This thread is archived. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one. Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. (assuming you are dead) Every other question you can answer 'yes' even if you are wrong. May 8, 2018 . Posted by 2 years ago. Q: What do you call a Skoda with 200,000 miles on it? Show Answer; Answer: Are you dead? Ha-ha-ha So cute. He looks quite puzzled. ", A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. 09) the pistol won’t stay under front seat. Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. The officer examines the license. Loading... Share this: Facebook Twitter Google+. save. He asks the driver her name. interacts online and researches product purchases The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn't coming back to him, quickly drove home and went to bed. Archived. "And what did you do then," the troopers asked. Question: There was a window cleaner who was cleaning a window on the 25th floor of a skyscraper. The officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Man: Broken tail light? "I'm a juggler," the man replied. More jokes about: car, cop, drunk, marriage, wife A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt. (Man gives his wife a dirty look. Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Take them to the zoo immediately.". Do Not Sell My Personal Information. This may be called “Tools” or use an icon like the cog. You have a dirty mind! Prank-O makes practical joke gift boxes for screamingly funny, hilariously awful, but scarily plausible products that don’t really exist. +Add Joke: LATEST: POPULAR: RANDOM: Prev Joke | Next Joke: 162 hits: 3.3 (172 votes) Share : Favorite | Flag: 12 years ago by snowbdr88 : Email to a Friend: Post/Bookmark: Permalink: What gets longer when pulled, Fits between your boobs, Inserts neatly in a hole, And... Works best when jerked?